asking for advice

I have a hard time navigating this website so if I don't respond, I got confused. My PenPal has asked me to find an address for his ex-in laws who were always good to him. he wants to acknowledge them and make amends. I thought that if I can locate them, I could contact them first and ask them if they wanted me to pass their address along to him. I don't like being distrustful but I also am concerned about involving other people without their permission. Any advice is most welcome. regular email is betseyhuffman@gmail.com Much Metta and thanks. Betsey

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Permalink Reply by Wongmo on May 25, 2009 at 3:24pm
Your way of dealing with this situation seems perfect...no problem!

Wongmo (elder Buddhist nun and LPP teacher)
Permalink Reply by Tom Anderson on May 25, 2009 at 4:14pm
Hi, Betsey - You are kind of sitting on a spiritual fence, aren't you. Yes, you job, so to speak, is to be a support person in the contemplative process. But the contemplative process hardly ends with your inmate's release.

It seems really productive to see if you can pass along to your inmate friend's former in-laws the request he has made. While you are under no obligation to break any confidences he has shared with you, you certainly are under every obligation to not divulge anyone's address to him ... well, I do enjoy rehashing the obvious ... but if you can let the former in-laws know what the situation is, since your inmate friend has asked, you can pass on his contact information to them and let them decide what to do.

But, it is probably best for them that you caution them about revealing their address. Perhaps your inmate friend could, if they desire to be involved, contact them through a public address, like a work address or church address or something???

I apologize, Betsey. This all sounds so simple and obvious and I am sure it is anything but. I have been very fortunate in having had a long-term letter-writing relationship with an inmate who was very focused only on the Buddhadhamma.

Tom.
Permalink Reply by Kerri Taylor on May 27, 2009 at 3:40am
I just wanted to say that this was such a sweet-natured reply! Unfortunately, from my life experience I suppose, I originally assumed you were a woman! I hope that doesn't offend - it is in fact a high complement. You kind of renewed my faith in sensitive, kind men! I just wanted to let you know that your words touched me, and that you brightened my day. I hope you have a great one as well :)

Kerri
Permalink Reply by Everardo Pedraza on May 25, 2009 at 8:32pm
Hi Betsey,

From what I learned with my involvement and training with the New Warrior Training Adventure (Mankind Project), it is the protocol to contact the person first and get their permission for someone else to contact them. This seems the most "clean" way to go about it. Is this not what we would want done?
Permalink Reply by Douglas Ray on May 26, 2009 at 1:52pm
Hello Betsey,
Your idea to contact his ex-in-laws first is absolutely 100% correct. By the way, I am an ex-prisoner, if that makes any difference.
Metta,
Douglas R.
Permalink Reply by Kate Crisp (PDN Director) on June 1, 2009 at 8:25am
* Posted by Betsey Huffman on May 31, 2009 at 7:12am in Correspondence & Mentoring (Change)


Thanks to all who responded to my request for advice. It is reassuring to me to have you all responding with thoughtfulness and kindness. I am going to find the family and will contact them first if I am successful. Much metta Betsey

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