Infrequent Prisoner Contact

 I have been corresponding with one of my prisoners now for three months.  I have sent 6 detailed lessons and 2 informal letters.  I also sent one book for his study.  But I have only received 2 letters from him, one being the initial introductory letter reply.  I was hoping for more contact and interest on his part.  Is this normal to only get 2 letters in 3 months of contact?  Or am I hoping for to much.

 

David

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Permalink Reply by Tamon Mark Uttech on November 14, 2010 at 10:11am
Onegaishimasu, you may have overwhelmed this prisoner by sending 6 detailed lessons. As for myself, I stay with frequent short informal "how are you?" types of letters. A relationship, even a correspondence type, is something to build, bit by bit. This is not anything but my own opinion and should be taken as such. I think the key to having a successful correspondence with anyone about anything is to become the 'good friend'.

In gassho,

tamonmark
Permalink Reply by Ven. David Astor Sensei 曦 肯 on November 14, 2010 at 12:58pm
Thank you for sharing your experience and ideas with me Tamonmark. Perhaps I totally misunderstand my role, but I was ask to be his Dharma teacher and mentor, not just a pen-pal. I may need to be enlightened on this point however. Is there a difference? The individual in question studied Buddhist philosophy in the past and specifically ask for a teacher. Is that different then a normal request for someone to correspond with? I am willing to change. My letters also are friendly, and not all lesson by the way. I try to write about twice a month. Is that to much, or should I always wait for a reply? Thanks again for taking the time to provide insight on my concern.

/\ David
Permalink Reply by Tamon Mark Uttech on November 15, 2010 at 3:37am
Onegaishimasu, Being the good friend is more than a penpal. I guess I am lucky in that I spent 6 months in a county jail as a bewildered prisoner myself, so I have some idea of what the life inside is like. You say you try to write twice a month and that is a good thing. Personally, I think if you wait for a reply, that is a good reminder to the other that a living correspondence is a two-way street. You'll be able to better gauge your student's interest, and your own interest in this. I hope this helps.

In gassho,

tamonmark
Permalink Reply by Susan Thames on November 14, 2010 at 7:24pm
I've never approached corresponding with a prisoner with quite that much zeal, but I have found that prisoners are not always able to engage ongoingly. There's so much I don't know about life inside, its pressures, its complexities, so this time--I'm writing to someone new tonight--I'm going to try to suspend all judgments and expectations about the right way to undertake this effort and trust to my own intentions. I do think it might be useful to approach a student inside differently than you would a student at your Zen center--with great patience and lots of don't-know. I wish you all the best as a pen pal/mentor/teacher.

Susan
Permalink Reply by Ven. David Astor Sensei 曦 肯 on November 14, 2010 at 7:45pm
Thank you Susan, a good lesson.
Permalink Reply by Chris de Ocejo on November 15, 2010 at 8:22pm
David,

He probably doesn't have enough money to get paper, envelopes, stamps from commissary. And/or, he has to choose how to spend his money wisely because it's so limited, and since you've given him more than enough materials for six months of study (if you ever feel like sending me instructional materials, please do!), he went for other stuff first.

You might want, after giving him some time to digest everything you've sent him, send him some paper and SASEs.

Last up: I imagine you're kinda like me in that you're kinda gung-ho on spirituality. It's kinda the backbone of my life. My wife, on the other hand, couldn't be more secular if she tried. Most people I meet tend to be closer to her end of the spectrum than mine, which I tend to forget since I live and breathe it. When I work with new guys, I need to remind myself to take it slowly: nine times out of ten, their excitement is nowhere near mine. But as they begin to see what I'm talking about, the excitement grows, and the eagerness to learn.
Permalink Reply by Ven. David Astor Sensei 曦 肯 on November 16, 2010 at 12:09pm
Thank you Chris for this good advice. I would be more than happy to share any material I have developed over the years with you. I will let what I have provided him percolate for awhile.

/\ David
Permalink Reply by Pake Hall on June 8, 2011 at 1:10am
Thank you David for starting up this thread. And thank you all for good insights into this. Great for some one like me who wants to become a pen pal/mentor for inmates.

_/\_
Pake
Permalink Reply by Ven. David Astor Sensei 曦 肯 on June 8, 2011 at 6:29pm

Good luck and positive thoughts, Pake, in your working to promote human flourishing to those on a challenging path.

 

David /\

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